April Hunter on Quora. Author, Model, Entrepreneur & Mental Health Advocate.
I don’t know if I have 10, but I have a few.
1. If you make the easiest choices, you’ll live a hard life. If you make the hard choices, you will live an easy life. Many people take the path of least resistance…and pay for it later. Not having lived their dream, not having “gone for it”, dropping out of school or classes, etc.
2. Sex isn’t love. Chemistry isn’t compatibility. In a relationship, a lot of things matter far more than love and chemistry. That’s why arranged marriages work and marriages for love often do not.
3. Infidelity isn’t limited to sex. There can be emotional, addiction, or financial infidelity, too. Any DECEPTION is infidelity. Conversely, when someone is (sexually) cheated on, it’s the deception and lies that hurt the most.
4. People are inherently self-centered.
5. Stop worrying about what people think. They don’t give a damn about you. They don’t think about you at all. Don’t lose valuable time or life over what others think.
6. Dogs are better than humans. They don’t bite the hand that feeds them.
7. Despite #6 & #4, humans are inherently good. Or, at least NOT inherently bad. They want to be decent. Don’t believe the news. The news earns money when people tune in. So, they give us violence and train wrecks to keep us glued to the screen. Makes the advertisers happy. But, not us.
8. Go by his/her actions…not their words. Talk is cheap. Actually, it’s free. Actions tell you everything you need to know.
9. Mental health matters. Taking care of your mental health should absolutely be a priority. Sometimes saying “I can’t, I’m busy” might mean that you’re sorting out your own feelings, or taking some recharging time away from everyone. That’s okay.
10. There’s a difference between REACTING and RESPONDING. The first is done by the emotionally immature. The latter is when you take a moment, some time…to read everything, watch the entire thing, absorb the article, and research the source material-not just skim a headline. Take a breath, hear the entire story…and respond. It can save marriages, friendships, careers, and lives.
Oh, look. I did make it to 10. Yay! Here are a few more:
11. Ladies, if you want to know if he “likes” you, ask him to do something. A favor, help you with something… If he makes time to do it, then yes, he probably LIKES you.
12. Take care of your body and start doing that while you’re young. Once you get past the age of 28, people age at vastly different rates. Filters, my dear, won’t follow you or your aching knees around. You can look and feel amazing at age 50, or you can look and feel like a haggard, wheezing great grandmother who has one foot in the grave. You have to have a healthy lifestyle.
13. Some will say they want a relationship, but they don’t. They just want their needs met.
14. Not choosing to have kids is something most people without children don’t seem to regret. They are happy.
15. Too many people are afraid to be alone…alone with the quiet, alone with their thoughts, alone with themselves. They constantly need to be distracted. This fear causes a lot of problems for them and those around them.
16. Be grateful for every shitty situation and fucked up experience you’ve been through. It’s a valuable lesson and it’s made you stronger.
I think it’s funny (ha) that America chooses to be more offended over the words “fuck”, “goddamn” & “cunt” than we are with our faltering eco-system, rampant national divide, our questionable for-profit healthcare, and lack of workplace sick days and vacation time.
I mean, doesn’t anyone care that you are enslaved to a job you hate simply because it provides decent healthcare and you’ve no freedom to move about and find something better…or you lose the coverage you and your family depend upon?
Or the fact that our coverage and prices from one person to the next…one hospital to the next…is so varied? This is all completely ridiculous. It’s FUCKED UP. An MRI should be a certain price, no matter WHERE you get it. You, the kid in college, and the guy down the street should have the same decent coverage. This isn’t a socialist or entitlement thing. It’s a basic human right. How the fuck are we supposed to be happy and productive if we or someone in our family isn’t well? Or we’re fighting medical bills and arguing with insurance companies to cover payments, driving great distances to find an “in-network” doctor? It’s stupid. You cannot.
Yet we accept this as if we’re all children of alcoholics…afraid to speak up, terrified of confrontation, being beaten, knowing that deep down that we don’t deserve better. Knowing we don’t deserve what everyone else has access to. Being told we’re “the best in the world” by our abusive parents and how everyone else is awful on the rare moment they’re sober – to the point where we actually believe it as God-delivered truth rather than venturing beyond these borders on something other than a coddled cruise to a resort in order to find out on our own how this big world actually works. What we do and do not have. How we hold up against other industrialized nations.
It’s not always good.
But we have a shitton of yogurt flavors and cereal to choose from…more than anyone else. We are the best at having too much choice in bullshit-laden food (food that’s banned from other countries because it’s considered toxic, mind you) that creates the disease in our for-profit healthcare, which grew 4.6% to 3.8 trillion in 2019. It’s a top GDP earner in America. Disease…Made In America. There’s that.
By comparison, Switzerland, a brutally expensive country with one of the best healthcare systems, spends about 40% less per capita.
Additionally, some REAL “bad words”: Divorce, Parkinson’s, Diabetes, Abuse, Addiction, Anxiety, Alzheimer’s, Homelessness, CANCER.
When someone tells you to go fuck yourself, nothing happens.
When someone tells you that you have cancer, or they want a divorce, your entire world crumbles.
Someone asked me to write about what happened this past week with the Capitol. “I’d be really curious to see what you think, even if I don’t agree with it.” I declined because I can see so many sides to this situation, I said I’d end up alienating everyone. But, after thinking for a day or two, I decided to go ahead and hit the keyboard.
People hear what they want to hear. Context matters. You might only see a phrase that offends you, read too much into what I’m saying, then take my words and twist them. I’d hope you don’t, but I can’t control that if you do…it’s your decision.
And as much as people claim they don’t like labels, they fucking LOOOVE labels. They want to fly labels out to Vegas and marry them. They want to have 8 babies with their labels. We’ve gotten to where labels are our personal identity. If you insult a political party, you’ve now just personally insulted a person. This person will knee-jerk react as if you’ve slapped their baby. To me, this makes no goddamn sense. Just like you are not what you do to put food on your table, you also are not who you vote for. Those in power have zero fucks to give about you. Why do you have so many to give to them?
We’re so desperate for affirmation that “we’re right” that we only watch and read the news outlets that align with our own views.
Following is easy. Thinking is hard. That’s why so few do it.
I’m of no political party. I don’t even register as an Independent, as that’s now a party. I’m a fiscal conservative/social liberal and there’s no party for us. When I vote, I sit in front of a laptop for hours with my ballot and I’m all over the place. Republican, Democrat, Independent, Green, Libertarian. I research each candidate’s HISTORY…what their actions have been. Not what they promise. Normally, I feel the president is a figurehead and it’s everyone underneath in our Legislative, Executive, and Judicial branches that matter the most.
Our last presidential election has proved me wrong.
I’m going to chunk random thoughts on current events and regarding storming the Capitol, which was indeed a historic day in America:
-Many have said they never thought they’d see what happened in DC happen in our country. I did. I’ve been waiting for YEARS and I’m shocked it hasn’t happened sooner. I now realize the only reason it hasn’t is that we’re worked to death and too tired and distracted to pay attention to the many ways we’ve been getting fucked over, no matter what administration is in office. Unfortunately, most still think this is all a current issue. It’s not. They don’t realize that the history of actions (or NON-actions) has led us to this point. We can be very short-sighted and happy to blame others rather than looking to ourselves as the problem.
We are as responsible for what happened as anyone. Patriot Act. Getting rid of Net Neutrality. Blue gold. Eco issues. Piggyback laws. Sockpuppet accounts. I could go on. But very few pay attention outside of their little bubble. It’s only now that people are home, able to learn a bit and see how other countries treat their citizens, that they are upset.
Well…it took you long enough. I’ve been waiting for the goddamn revolution since the first Bush era. You’re not “Woke.” It’s just a tee shirt in your wardrobe.
But I do wish this happened under different circumstances.
-I don’t condone the violence. Let me repeat that: I do not condone the violence. However, lawmakers – without term limits – make laws for us, the common people, regarding healthcare, public schools, unions…things they don’t even use. They aren’t us. They don’t understand how it works. They have no idea how it is to fight with your insurance company, the soul-sucking energy, how many calls we have to make to do so…because they don’t have to do it.
These lawmakers keep making shitty laws based on finances rather than morals because they can. They only see the bottom line, not the reality. They don’t care, because they don’t use the systems we use.
I think it’s not necessarily a bad thing that they’ve come face to face with armed, angry Americans and now realize how vulnerable they are. They should be afraid of us, we shouldn’t be afraid of them. It’s forgotten that we pay their salary, and they are public servants. We are not heard. That, I feel, is a huge mistake. I’m shocked it’s taken this long for an uprising. We are a massive country with a lot of guns. Not listening is something I would advise against.
-We pay billions of dollars in defense and yet, a group was able to storm the Capitol in a matter of hours. WTF?
-Some knew this would happen. The military had been deployed earlier to Washington. DC knew it was likely to happen, too.
-If this group were black, more than just a few people would have been killed during those hours. And speaking of, we’re so interested in learning WHY they stormed the Capitol…and this is good. But why are we not equally as interested in learning about why Black Lives Matter is a movement? Instead, we make up shitty memes and spread false lies about it. How hard is it to have a conversation and really listen? Colin Kaepernick risked his entire career to make a peaceful statement, which was his protected right…and that turned into “he hates the military, he’s disrespected them, he needs to be fired”.
My whole family is military, a couple S.O.’s have been military, I grew up on military bases. I fully supported his right to protest was absolutely slaughtered for writing about it.
This movement has been about one thing: police brutality – with a side dish of lack of equality. In a nutshell: Human Rights.
For those who don’t understand the term “white privilege” (and I *really* hate this term)…here you go: It’s the fact that you (and your children) can storm the capital and know you will not get killed. It’s not about the fact that you came from nothing, had an absentee parent, went to public school, got your ass (or more) beaten on a regular basis, and worked hard for everything you have. That’s me. That’s many of you as well. Our backgrounds are not unlike many blacks who had it rough growing up. That’s undeniable. But our color is. We can get pulled over or go jogging at night through a nice neighborhood wearing a hoody and we won’t get killed.
“But they did this and they did that…” No. Stop.
Here’s the root of the problem: Too many people said how terrible it was that cities and businesses were getting destroyed because an unarmed man was shot. What we need to say: It’s terrible that an unarmed man was shot, so therefore cities and businesses got destroyed. Action…reaction.
We value life, right?
The problem is, people don’t care until their own shit gets fucked up. Then…they’re all ears.
It wasn’t MLK who got people to listen. It was Malcolm X. Is it not ridiculous that decades later, it still goes on?
BLM isn’t something you paste to your FB page like a trending fashion statement. And trust me…your friends of color see who does and doesn’t truly understand that.
-I don’t think a few extremists who stormed the Capitol represent an entire party, and I think it’s wrong to take this out on every Republican. I don’t think either side is the stereotype portrayed by the media, which serves to divide. Divided, we fall.
-We value free speech so much, it’s the very first amendment in our Constitution. Yet, the censoring has been going on for a while and sets a dangerous precedent. We’ve seen plenty of it on Facebook, where the term “Facebook Jail” has been coined. Who decides what can be said or posted? Who suspends accounts? They hide behind the “privatized company” and “TOS” to justify doing whatever they please, but they’re still founded on the principles of free speech and are opting to shit all over that. EVERYTHING in America is privatized and corporate-owned. If this is the way it’s going, free speech will cease to exist except on street corners and in public squares.
Frankly, I find it un-American and the equivalent to digital book burning, except in 3 situations:
1. Spreading fake news. Napoleon was of average height for his era, but he was so good at what he did, the British decided to attack his character instead, saying he was short. It’s stuck…even now. That’s how dangerous fake news is.
2. Inciting violence and terrorism…which is what our president has done. You can be a Republican and not approve of the way Trump has handled things.
3. Porn. And by porn, I mean the true XXX definition: anything that shows insertion and/or the exchange of bodily fluids. All else is Erotica. What’s titillating to one may not be to another. It’s very subjective. There are people who get excited over feet and armpits. Are we going to rip down all barefoot photos and anything baring pits next? When does it stop?
The world was built on nude statues, naked art, and expression. This is both healthy and natural.
“We live in a world where we have to hide love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.”
Porn should be behind a paywall so those who are earning a living can actually EARN. No one grows up thinking, “I know…I’ll be a porn star!” For fucks sake, let them earn their dollars.
-I feel banning President Trump was the right thing to do. When free speech crosses over into inciting violence and hurting others, that’s an issue, especially from someone in a position of power like he is. With great power comes great responsibility. Yes, that’s a Spiderman quote, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Trump has had makings of a dictator, and there’s a core group of people who devotedly follow him like an enslaved cult, drinking all the Fresca they can. It’s more than a little scary.
I don’t understand that love, or what he’s done to earn it. I can’t list 4 things in the years since he’s been our leader to make me feel devoted. Feel free to point out the accomplishments. I honestly mean this because I’m curious and open-minded. I love that he passed The Farm Bill. At times, I feel he was unnecessarily crucified because of severe dislike and I think his sarcasm was twisted. There are times he’s said things that were good advice but crapped on…because it came from him.
I don’t have any emotional stake in politics. Neither should you. Events happen. It’s up to us to allow them to affect us personally. We cannot separate our personal feelings from events or advice and that’s a detriment. It’s also an ego issue.
-I don’t think there’s time to invoke the 25th Amendment, and it could be a waste of taxpayer money. Hopefully, more damage isn’t done in the days leading up to Biden’s inauguration. I feel for Pence, he’s got a lot on his shoulders. Except overturning an election. He never had that kind of power and it was unfair to throw him under a bus and state that.
-I feel our lack of education has led us to believe way too much. We should have more common sense, rationality, and stoicism. But believing ridiculousness has led to anger, frustration, and depression. For those who can think, see the bigger picture, the moderates…we really want to punch the rest of you in the face. Hard.
(Except for those of you who actually take the time to listen and think. You peeps are cool – and rare breeds.)
For us, politics don’t bring us down. YOU do. Your never-ending hostile assaults and weird energy force us off social media, make us avoid emails…we just want to retreat for preservation. It costs us work, bookings, and business opportunities. Thanks for that. Life isn’t difficult enough or anything.
-Dear Conspiracy Theorists…please stop. You’re ruining it for those of us who are actual conspiracy theorists. The ones who do real investigative research with credible sources, speak to people in the field, study history. We don’t just watch a few YouTube videos done by some ranting idiot and call ourselves “an expert”. I understand the lack of trust in the government. I really do. Not being a lemming is healthy. But not EVERYTHING is a conspiracy. Sometimes Occam’s Razor really is the correct theory.
–“Are you (we, the country) better off now than you were four years ago?” – Ronald Reagan. This is the question Reagan asked that won him the election. I believe that answer is a resounding no. I don’t feel Biden won…I just think Trump lost. Wouldn’t it be great to vote for someone instead of against the other guy?
But that’s OUR fault. We set our standards for leaders so unrealistically high, it’s beyond stupid. We would never elect anyone who is fallible like us. You smoked pot? We’ll splash that all over 679 news cycles. You were divorced? Oh my fucking god. You were never married? What’s wrong with you??? You sent nudes to your partner? What a whore. Did you use to be an alcoholic? He/she must be weak. You’re under a certain age? Inexperienced. Over a certain age? One foot in the grave. You’re a smaller man? Bitch. You’re a stronger woman? Bitch. You can’t spell Aleppo? Unforgivable! Meanwhile, 90% of Americans not only can’t spell it, but they cannot locate it on the map. (They also don’t know the difference between you’re/your, to/too, then/than. Fucking hypocrites.) Your kid is a fuck-up? OMG, so is mine…but somehow it’s only you who is the loser here.
What we put these prospective candidates and their families through is shameful. No SANE person in their right mind would take this job. And it is OUR FAULT. We have to stop being moronic dicks so we can get someone to lead who isn’t.
-I don’t understand the fear of Biden. The man was already at the helm for 8 very tumultuous years and we ended up fine.
-We need to stop the divide and stop being manipulated and used by the media. Stop insulting everyone who isn’t what we are: our voting party, our religion, our race. It’s beyond elitist – and it’s the behavior of a shitty human being. It’s not Christian. It’s not Humanist. It’s just shittarded.
-Why do we still have limited sick days and very little vacation time? Why aren’t we pushing to change that? We now know that you cannot limit sick days. Study after study proves we’re more productive with more time off.
-Workplaces are tiny kingdoms and dictatorships. Bosses have way too much power, and if you’re in a Right to Work State, you can be fired for no reason at all. Then you lose your healthcare. This is COMPLETE FUCKING BULLSHIT. How can people not SEE this? NO OTHER COUNTRY DOES IT THIS WAY – for a reason. It’s quite literally inhumane.
So, why are we allowing workplaces to have so much power? Then, we’re angry and feel powerless, so we take it out on those around us or assume everything else runs the same way. We need to UNITE to fix things. We spent so much time at work…most of our lives. Get that shit fixed.
If you want to revolt, I’ve given you multiple ideas that are worthwhile. Work. Vacation time. Equality. Net Neutrality. Repealing the Patriot Act. Unaddressed eco issues.
Fight for things that REALLY MATTER and affect all of us, our quality of life, and our privacy.
If you can handle a few more harsh truths about our society:
-A lot of people *think* they want more friends or a significant other, but they don’t. They aren’t willing to do the work that’s involved in cultivating real relationships. Social media relations are easier: they’re on YOUR time. Convenient. One-sided. Real relationships take time, effort, compromise, trust, commitment, and energy. Most people like the idea, not the reality. So, they would rather play on their phones.
-If you take the easy choices, you’ll lead a hard life. If you make the hard choices, you’ll lead an easy life.
-Intimacy isn’t sex. It has nothing to do with sex. It’s being vulnerable, letting your guard down. Into Me, See. It’s letting someone see *the real you.* Any animal can fuck. It’s really not that special. But it’s hard to let people in and be emotionally open, to bare your soul, to risk being rejected or judged…hurt. Everyone wants to be seen as so strong. No one is that strong. We love characters in films because of their flaws. That’s what makes them relatable. But you must hone your intuition and judgment skills *first* in order to choose those around you wisely. You can only do that by opting for silence, quieting your mind. Stay distracted and you won’t see.
Most people give up trying because they’re scared. Fear is the killer of all dreams, including love.
-People who are easily offended have low self-esteem.
-Much of what I admonish on here I’ve done. To be older and wiser is to first be young and stupid.
-I’m tired of the dumb. I’m tired of the misinformation. I’m tired of the hypocrites. I’m tired of the anger and violence. And I’m tired of people not taking responsibility for their own actions or lack of.
We’re humans. Not the party we vote for. Not what we do for a living. Not the color of our skin.
Stripped down, we’re all pretty much the same. You are not special. Neither am I. It’s time we realize this.
Those who do not learn history are condemned to repeat it.
Empires fall. If we don’t change our behavior immediately, we are next.