The Moonlit Road & Other Stuff

14 Apr

I haven’t updated my blog in a while. The main two reasons for this are that I started school full time in autumn, pursuing a 4-year degree in 2 at an accelerated (and expensive!) art school for Creative Writing in Entertainment (TV, Film, Games). I’ve also been taking care of my significant other, who is out of work on disability at the moment. He had a horrific ice skating accident and managed to bounce his head off ice so hard, he got a concussion, brain bleed, brain contusion, rear lobe cyst and frontal lobe blood clot. Go big or go home, right?

We went to three hospitals before someone got it right. The first (Trinity) said he needed surgery immediately or he’d die. The second wouldn’t even give him the MRI he’d been sent over in an ambulance to receive, since they said he simply had a migraine. They gave him a migraine ‘cocktail’ he had an allergic reaction to and sent him home. (Don’t ever send anyone you love to Tampa Community Hospital.) Tampa General was a long wait, but worth it. Then came The Concussion Institute and various neurologist appointments. A second stay in the hospital to administer IV drugs round-the-clock to shrink brain swelling and address the migraines.

Brain injuries can hard to properly diagnose and take a long time to heal. Additionally, there are a lot of things to deal with. He can’t drive and has brutal head pain. There are issues walking around, speaking, vertigo, light and noise sensitivity. Then there are the personality swings. Emotional, hostile, anxiety, tantrums. Kind of like the worst bipolar behavioral mood swings you can imagine. He’s been wound up like a spring and the slightest thing makes him explode.  He has been irrational, unpredictable and violent to live with and it’s been trying most days. He picks fights over laundry or how the refrigerator is organized. I’m on great stabilizing medications for my bipolar disorder, but there’s a cap. Things around here have been able to push me to over the edge and that calm, cool reserve I now have dissipates as fast as the blink of an eye,  which has been alarming. I raised my medication a few months ago, but there’s only so much one can take at times. I am stretched to the breaking point and trying to do the best I can to take care of him.

There’s concern (read: he’s anxious as fuck) about being able to go back to work. He put himself through school as an adult and his career as an app developer isn’t possible at the moment. Screens and monitors make him worse. Money has been a challenge with lack of funds and medical bills. I’ve had to take on much more around here. There are a ton of appointments to drive him each week. It’s been really, really hard. A (very sweet) friend set up a GoFundMe for us back in February. If you want to donate or share, it’s certainly appreciated. Link:  GoFundMeMedicalBills

Being a wrestler with pre-existing conditions, I’ve never been able to afford insurance and always opted to pay in cash when things got bad. (Or I’ve gone to other countries for treatment in cash.) I’ve also gotten my prescriptions overseas to save money. Now I’m insured and have had a brutal and up close look at this messy bullshit we call a healthcare system. What a joke. After using healthcare in Japan, England, Canada, Germany and various other countries, where the aim is to a.) get your diagnosed quickly and b.) tell you how to prevent coming back, I can only surmise that the reason Americans put up with this is ignorance. We don’t travel and have no idea what other countries have, so we  have no clue how shitty our system truly is. With zero preventative care, several appointments just to pinpoint an issue, lack of addressing other issues (environmental, food), medical willingness to write a designer brand script for all ailments, referrals needed for specialists and insurance company denials to battle. Let’s not forget that we get to fork out lots of hard earned paycheck money for our health insurance and hand over even more in person for high deductibles on each office visit. The ever pervasive a-pill-for-everything mentality couple with the For Profit inflated costs, and it’s no wonder we have the highest priced heath at the lowest quality care. It’s frustrating. I wish others could see things for what they ARE. There’s a valid reason no other country has a healthcare system like ours.

Anyway, I’ve started writing more fiction and this is a Flash Fiction assignment I had recently. I’m new at this, so I’m living and learning!

The Moonlit Road

hitchhiker

The cold air cut into my bones every time a car passed. I’d been walking this densely wooded road for nearly two hours.

Jesus H., I thought. What else can go wrong? The few who were out that night didn’t so much as tap their brakes. Maybe a bear can put me out of my misery.

A black pickup truck rolled to a stop.

“Where you headed?” The man had dark hair and a solid, muscular build.

“Town,” I replied. “Thanks. I’m Dave.”

“Tom.” He shook my hand. “That’s where I’m going after I make a quick stop. Did you break down?” His face and faded jeans reminded me of James Dean.

“No,” I said, shifting uncomfortably. “I…uh, had a fight with my wife. We were out this way, but she got pissed and took the car.”

He snorted. “Been there, friend. Been there.” He cracked the window and lit a cigarette.

“I haven’t. She just started acting…I don’t know. Weird. Different. I think she’s cheating on me. When I confronted her, she went crazy and accused me of cheating on her…and then she took the car.”

“Are you?” he asked.

“What? Cheating on her? No. I’m not.”

“Well, why do you think she’s cheating on you?’ Tom asked.

“Standard issue stuff. She’s suddenly working late, not returning texts or answering my calls, and she’s going out with supposed friends I’ve never met. Seems like bullshit.”

I’d also found new lingerie in her dresser. And in her car, ashes and a licorice gum wrapper. She hates licorice.

We drove in silence while the moonlit highway stretched before us. The occasional car passed, dampening the steady chirping of crickets that filled the air. Tom’s cigarette glowed in the shadowy cab. There was a Yankee Candle air freshener swaying from the rear-view mirror. Tahitian Breeze. It was slightly overpowering. Everything was at the moment. My stomach roiled and I was damp with feverish sweat.

“What are you going to do?” asked Tom.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, staring at the empty road. “We’ve been married fourteen years. I really don’t know how to be anything else. I’m just praying I’m wrong.” I could see Tom nod out of the corner of my eye. He took a final drag on his cigarette, flicked the stub and rolled his window up. The crisp breeze had been refreshing.

“Maybe you’re wrong.”

The lights from town became visible through the windshield. We passed McDonald’s. The greasy smell of fries which normally made me salivate now made me queasy. I needed to talk to her. I had to know what was going on.

“Here’s my quick stop,” Tom said. He turned onto a local road.

“Oh. I live down this way, too,” I said.

If we drive by the house, I can see if she actually went home.

Tom folded a piece of gum into his mouth. With a jolt I realized that the crumpled wrapper was Black Jack gum.

Licorice.

Before I could say anything, Tom pulled into 58 Teaberry Lane. My house.

“Be just a minute,” he said, leaving the truck running.

My heart felt as if it was going to pound out of my chest. She ran out to him. He kissed her. He gave her something and she threw her arms around his neck. She couldn’t see me behind the blinding headlights.

I’m going to be sick.

“Who’s with you?” She asked, squinting through the bright headlights.

“Nobody. Just giving a guy a ride. Gotta go, but I’ll call you later,” he said as he watched her go inside and shut the door.

Nobody. Should I throw this thing into reverse and drive off? Let him take me to a motel? Beat the shit out of him? Did he even know she was married? Did he know I existed? That I am not ‘NOBODY’?

I stared at the dashboard and tried to make sense of my racing thoughts.

“Okay,” Tom asked, as he opened the door. “Where should I drop you off?”

“Here.” I pulled out my keys.

“Are you going to walk the rest of the way?”

“Yep.”

I took a deep breath and tried to steady my shaking hands and lurching abdomen. What the fuck. It’s over. Everything. Making dinner together. Sharing the bathroom in the morning.  TV series marathons. Cuddling in bed. Our future. Without looking at Tom, I got out of the truck, stood tall, crossed the final agonizing yards of my driveway, and entered my house.

 

Owned by April Hunter.

Twitter @AprilHunter

Instagram @realAprilHunter

Facebook: AprilHunterOfficial

Site: http://www.AprilHunter.com

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7 Responses to “The Moonlit Road & Other Stuff”

  1. Timothy April 20, 2016 at 7:53 pm #

    Sorry to hear about your situation, but it seems there’s a lot of positives in your life as well at the moment April.

    You have school now which is a great thing! You’re able to pursue your passion for writing and educate yourself, so keep your spirits lifted in that department.

    I struggle with Bipolar Disorder II, and it was hell for me as I bounced back and forth between medications. At first things felt more balanced, but I noticed that after a sustained amount of time my body got fed up with whom I had become.

    Medications are NOT a bad thing, they help in a lot of ways and for many people they are the tools for finding yourself and getting back on track. I had to do away with all medication because it was making me lose sight of who I was and the creativity that I was blessed with.

    Anyway, glad to see all is well, I pray your significant other and hope for a full recovery at best. Keep your spirits up April and realize that this world is one big circus. Nothing needs to be taken as seriously as it may seem, the only important thing is that you maintain a positive aura and block out anything negative.

    Have a very blessed and beautiful day!

    • themuseherself April 20, 2016 at 9:13 pm #

      Hi-I totally understand what you mean…about losing who you are on meds. I almost quit mine many times as well, but found a lowered dose was a compromise. I hope you’re able to handle everything ok naturally…I know there are a lot of options for dodging meds and managing…certain supps, yoga/exercise, stricter diet (no gluten…tends to trigger faster mood dips and dives)…but I’m guessing you already know about much of this. Good luck to you and thanks for the sweet comment!

      • Timothy April 21, 2016 at 9:07 pm #

        You might know more than me April…I’m only 23. But my friends noticed I “changed” the longer I was on medication.

        I like myself, and I want to be myself, so for me it was all about learning about my flaws and mental illnesses and re-programming who I was. Becoming a better, more “upgraded” me.

        We’re no different from cats, dogs, animals, etc.

        We’re computers, but with heart, I appreciate your kind thoughts April. It really is an honor to hear from you, I learn from my elders and I have learned a lot from you.

        I came to this site when I started researching Bipolar Disorder and you’ve given me insight where it can’t be found elsewhere.

    • themuseherself April 22, 2016 at 12:12 am #

      Thanks again, Timothy. I appreciate it…it’s hard to put private stuff out there, but if it helps even one person, then it’s worth it. I did a bunch of bipolar blogs if you search back a bit. I was going through the 2 years of trying to get on the right meds and everything stupid I did that went along with that…along with learning experiences. From your comment below…yeah…the meds are tough. They suck and they can save your life. What a lot of people don’t realize is that like Autism, bipolar disorder has a wide spectrum, too. Some have it very mildly, some are severe. What works for one won’t for another. Good luck and hang in there. There’s a lot of good to being BP, oddly enough. It’s been proven those with it are smarter, faster and more creative. Hone in on that. I’m guessing you have a talent…art, writing, music, theater, etc? Focus on that and kick ass.

  2. ajk201 April 21, 2016 at 7:51 am #

    don’t forget about the fines people have to pay now if they can’t afford or choose not to purchase healthcare for themselves…what a country huh? 😦

    Great story btw with a nice twist midway into it that I wasn’t really expecting….could totally get into a book based around the premise.

    BTW as an aside…would you be willing to write anything about the death of Joanie Laurer aka Chyna when you got the chance to? Think it to be another of those cautionary tales with drugs and medications in general (in her case in the end from what I am hearing sleeping pills/sleep aids) and the effects they can have on a human body not unlike some of what was being talked about on this very blog ironically enough.

    • themuseherself April 22, 2016 at 12:16 am #

      Thank you. 🙂
      Oh, boy. That’s a cautionary tale that’s told again and again in the entertainment business. I’ve been looking at old photos on Facebook and noticed how many people are now dead from just a few years ago…whether they were working Playboy cons or wrestling shows with me. I think it’s more than a drug issues…it’s a self medication issue that’s used to cover up something more…likely a mental disorder or illness. “Crazy artist” is earned, as entertainment and art tends to have more mental illness than most in it. I’m guessing that may have been something Chyna was struggling with. Perhaps.

  3. Grace April 29, 2016 at 1:13 pm #

    Great story, that feeling he felt very relatable. Great background discription as well!!

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